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Abandon The Surface To Find Meaning In Nothing

by The Age

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1.
She’s a woman, full of love and rockets, never needed what people always wanna fight her for. They don’t get it, she never needs to worry, problems tend to fade away with every step she takes. They think she’s godlike, but she just lives her life without thinking. Effort is wasted, so she just gets wasted when she wants to. Don’t mistake it, she’s not a lucky person, but the world says that she’s always gonna win these games. Here’s and answer, she knows she’s only human, she’s got perspective, and doesn’t treat her friends like shit. They could be like her, but they’d rather hate her than treat themselves. They could be patient and suck up their pride but they don’t know how. When she wakes up on a Sunday morning, she takes a shower and she thinks about the chick she met. But she’s worried that her dad will hate her, so she turns off her brain and falls in love again.
2.
I'm In It! 03:31
I hid my things away back then, somewhere they’ll never find again, and when I throw myself away, they’ll find a debt they can’t repay. Like any other joke, I’m funny. Like any other tool, I’m replaceable. I hold my hands into the fire, tied up with leather and barbed wire, to stop myself from giving up, I’ll drink my oil in paper cups. Like any other freak, I lose my concentration. I’m great at doing things sometimes, just like my life, I can’t decide between the culling of my skin, and pushing feelings deep within. Like any other joke, I’m funny. Like any other tool, I’m replaceable. Like any other door, I’m open. Like any other box, I’m in it! I hope my friends turn out okay, so much disaster in my wake. I’ll take myself outside my head, today I’ll build another bed. Where I am hiding I don’t think, I hide inside the bathroom sink. It’s so much better in the fire, let’s pull me into my barbed wire.
3.
V. Van Gogh 05:11
(Ghost of a Civil War veteran) They gave you red wine in a box, they gave you almost what you wanted. An artiste in the big house, they gave you, they gave you. 1874 we received Athenian healing of the Ridges. We buried gardens of our friends, you see them, unlabeled. (Demon) I like to pick on the ones that stray away from the pack, then I eat them alive, and I play their voices back, to lure them to me, in my lair underneath, and I love that you film me while I sharpen my teeth! They’re the movie stars, and I’m the director. I played a temp track for your EMF detector, to lure you to me in my lair underneath, and I’d like you to see… what they’ve done to me. (Another ghost) For all they say to you, they’ll never let you in. The ‘zeum only holds those who have been within. And while they let you try, and let you live nearby, it’s hard enough to do the work they want you to when you’re alone. Are you alone? (Demon) I like to talk to the ones that get all angry at this and I pull them around and I make a huge mess ‘cause they painted me here, now they won’t let me go, and they’re drunk on the floor like they’re Vincent Van Goth, and at Night the Café turns a yellowish green with some red in the middle from the Athens halloween and yeah I’d love to bite down on another bitter artist but I know that the Wexners would just display the carcass. Just like those before you, they told me I was needed. Just like those before you, they told me their unheeded prayers.
4.
Places 03:24
Another hand tried to pull me into the light, they almost burned me alive, but my Ray-bans saved me. Everybody needs to stop and chill for a while, They have no concept of style, and they think they look so good? But they feel so bad, all the time. No one wants to work full-time. And they’re just like you, beneath it all, but they don’t want you to call. Evil is my first name, you don’t know anything. I was lazy back them but Satan is my best friend. Another person gonna play me all through the night, I think that I’ll be alright, ‘cus I’ve been places. And even if I never get it the way that I like, I have a place I can hide, at least until I die. But I can’t just say, “I’m not okay,” ‘cus I don’t want you in the way. And I’m just like you, pick up the phone. Can you hear my dial tone? Uh, Hi. Hello, is this Steve Jobs? Yeah, I’m ready. Tell me about your new computer! Um, somebody turned up the power, of our microscope a little bit. Yeah. Uh, so over the last year, we’ve oscillated back and forth. Wow, that’s great! I can’t see what the point of it is, denying myself a little self-indulgence. One hit can take the pain away, and they all still try to pull my life together for me! Who needs that kind of sympathy? I’ve got a bottle of water that I’m gonna be drinking, ’til I feel better, my brain cells can work together.
5.
(Corporation) I’m on the TV, you can see me. You believe me, what we tell you. What we sell you, we’ll admit that, we don’t know who you are, but we’ll find out! It’s a light beer, it’ll kill you, ain’t that funny? We’ll be forward. And it’s toxic, like our actors, we’ll admit that we’re flawed in our adverts. Will you believe us if we act like we care? Sell you a bottle, we’re so self aware, yeah. Doing post-modern is all that we need, why would we change when we’re making money? Will you believe us if we tell you it’s wrong, giving critique and then playing along? Yeah we’re a company selling you shit but we’ll never fix all of the flaws we admit, yeah. There’s a market in awareness, it’s a cycle of consumption. Now we’re honest, meta-modern, there’s some honesty there to persuade you. We can see you, what you look like, and we know that, you don’t like that, but we love you, and we need you, so we’ll try to be human to convince you! (Me) For the better part of many years, I didn’t care, but now they’re everywhere I go, and I know they try to be! They shit-talk themselves and listen in ‘cus I, I let them, I let them in. Where have I been? And I’m not sure what I should do, I’m so confused… (Corporation) Hey consumer, hey consumer you, what do you want, what do you need? What will you pay us to do? Will you feel better if we sold you a sweater, or maybe something with stars, and recommend you some music? A brand new smart phone, when do you go home? Can we come in with you, sleep with you, and hang around? Listen while you brush your teeth and watch you from your TV and invade your privacy and ask you for the wi-fi password- (Me) No!
6.
Guy Like You 04:20
He was the first that I’m aware, you could tell someone had just bleached his hair. I was lost and he was beaming like a night-light. All of the shadows seemed to dance, all of the cabin fell into a trance, and I was lost in circumstance. And even though I know I’m just a demon, I try my best to be a better person. And yeah, I reminisce so I can be certain, ‘cus looking back can bring me better fortune. Ritual sacrifice, sing for the silent ones. Lost in the woods, wish I could find a guy like you. When I return, I’ll bring my lens. Take a good look, then I’ll go home again, just to see where did we meet and what he looked like, and in my coat alone at night, I’ll send a letter to the lonely light, who never left the camping site.
7.
Beyond the sullen coil, with luck I find him. He’s hiding from the world, confused and spiteful. We all make mistakes, and everybody complains. You take it personally, don’t know why they’re so mean. I’m guilty of it too, you feel frustrated. A martyr only lives on as an icon. A church is a throne, and the king is the spin, but you spun it too long. Would you believe they had it wrong? Tell me that nobody listens, I show you they’re turning away. You don’t see the wires, you don’t see the seams. I will be vain, so, I’ll tell you how I feel, I think you should know. You fell in love with a crook, the oldest trick in the book, ‘cus you want an excuse, so you can keep up your abuse. Some people fall apart because of you, yeah. I see them at the Greyhound, stumbling around. I try not to care, but I can’t help but stare. They never get on a bus, they only want to hurt us. Sympathy can only go so far, I know what you are.
8.
(Me) I had myself together for a while, until you came back. I haven’t been myself lately. (Video game NPC) We only play to stay alive, if we don’t play, they let us die. They hook us up to their TV, they take our life, they take our privacy. I’ve never hated anyone before. You get to win because you do. They let you play the game so they make money, they let you win because they need you. You’re such a special person, You push the buttons up and down, and when you’ve solved all the puzzles, you turn us off and walk away. I’m not amazed at anything you’ve done, they made it easier for you. I woulda killed ‘ya if these hands were real, maybe someday they will let me.
9.
(Rebecca) Hey Mom, do you know where Mom has gone? You are not my Mom, I read it on Wikipedia.com. There is no doubt in my mind, I don’t know who you are, or why you look just like her, but, just because Dad is gone, Does not mean you can take her place, does not mean you can steal her face. I’m not buying it one bit. That’s not the way my Mom would sit. Don’t tell me I’m sick, don’t look at me. My name’s Rebecca, I’m only seventeen, I go to school like everyone else, but my hair isn’t clean. It’s not my fault, It’s not my fault that you’re not real. Nothing is here, I am everywhere, where? (The CIA was invented by the government to keep gays “underground,” and the frogs, the fire, the California fire isn’t real, it’s just a conspiracy! I am on top of this. And I know, because the internet said- The being on the internet said that it was- On the hopepage about David Firth, The mu- the magi- well the magician, Yknow ‘cus, I saw it! I know what I’m talking about, don’t look at me like that, Don’t look at me like that, okay? I know what you’re thinking-) Does not mean you can take her place, does not mean you can steal her face. I’m not buying it one bit. That’s not the way my Mom would sit. Don’t tell me I’m sick, don’t look at me, don’t talk to me! I saw you digging holes in the backyard looking for my father, where did you put him? It’s okay, you can tell me. (Rebecca’s Mom) Look at me baby, can’t you see that it’s me, Becky? I don’t want to believe, baby, there’s something wrong with your brain, Becky. Can you see me? Find me, feel me? Prescription medication is all I can think of, but it only seems to make you worse! I don’t think that doctor was a real doctor, he was smiling too much. The medication all looks the same, everything that they give us is the same damn chemical! Thirteen different doctors, none of them will call me back and I could swear they’re doing this on purpose! Honey, your Father is fine! I didn’t… …bury him in the backyard, he lives up in Seattle with his wife, they’re doing okay! I called them yesterday. I hope this isn’t my fault?

about

This album features aesthetics borrowed from my previous releases...Abandon is a work coalesced from my favorite parts from all my albums up to this point, cleaned up and stitched together in a greatest hits-like package.

Although this is definitely not meant to be a finale for the Age project, it does function as a bookend for my college albums.

The intent was to write a very accessible album, without shocking or intense moments of pain or anxiety. Instead, most of the focus was directed towards writing lyrics that empower me, that give me confidence in difficult situations.

It also attempts to comment on difficult issues like stress under Capitalism, Fascism, and even video game design. It exists as a grab bag of topics I was mulling over while attempting to improve my grades and my health during my last few semesters of College.

Thank you for listening <3

credits

released November 25, 2019

All of this was recorded either in my basement, my bedroom, or in Bryan Hall at Ohio University using GarageBand and my acoustic guitar.

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syd/sydney Ohio

singer, guitarist, furry,
wrote the theme for Dreamwork's film "THE BIG BUNGUS"

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